dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I need to calm my uterus...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
