The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
