Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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