Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
