She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
