Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
tell me about the fingering
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