it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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