Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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