I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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