Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
