Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
