We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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