Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
