wat bout pragnant strippers??
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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