Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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