It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
