Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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