It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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