Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
