I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
