did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just had sex bonerless
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
