3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
