So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
