So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
