im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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