You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
