when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
