ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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