its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
