He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
