he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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