Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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