I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
