At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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