He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize