What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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