i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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