Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
