Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
