Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
All the doctor said was why
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
