somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
