There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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