eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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