my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
