Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
