i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
