I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
