I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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