No period for spring break; use this wisely.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
