I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
