did you get engaged???
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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