im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
