I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
