Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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