He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
