he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I love you.
Bad choice
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