checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I touched a dick in church today
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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