i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize