Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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