Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize