I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
