did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
