Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it's great music for shaving your balls
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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