I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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