He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
zippers are such a cool invention
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
