Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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