I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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