If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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