so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
