my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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