I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
