so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
