I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
