It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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