just tell him i said nine months
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
