ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
