I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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