After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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