So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
