she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The beer is more important than you right now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
