Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
