peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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