i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
