what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
