i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
