I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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