thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
